Where I Lost Myself
by Tigerett
Summary: Summary: It was true, wasn't it? She was a good person… Right? But if she was... Why had she done all these things? Princess Bubblegum's thoughts when she was turning off her monitors in "The Cooler."


**Disclaimer: No ownage is found her to Adventure Time (Aka- I don't own Adventure Time. :P)**

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><p>"<em>There's something cold about you."<em>

This was a phrase she was okay with. Everyone had their opinions, and this was just one.

It had to do with the way she was running her kingdom, or treating everybody a little absentmindedly. Besides, anyone who was made up of fire would obviously think something like **that.**

Or at least, that's what she _thought_ Flame Princess meant, until that second part came up.

"_And it's not just because of how you're a scientist, or a princess."_

That hit a little harder.

The way afterwards, when Flame Princess seemed to struggle to come up with a proper word to describe that coldness she meant, that… That _feeling_ or sorts… It was genuine when she resorted to "whatever".

Princess Bubblegum could tell.

And it got her fast mind turning.

Instantly, she answered that she was a "good" person. It was habitual, and it was true, as far as she was concerned.

Yet doubt was not hidden anywhere on Flame Princess' face.

It was written all over it, as clear as a piece of glass.

She didn't believe the ruler of the Candy Kingdom. She didn't trust her at all.

Why?

Princess Bubblegum began to think about that, and she came up with a random decision to prove it.

"_I'm a good person. And I want to show that to you"_

A look of disbelief was still written on Flame Princess' face, yet she still respectfully shared her first name with the other princess, as she had left the last artifact.

And Princess Bubblegum was debating many reasons for that as she stood in front of her many monitors, surveying everything possible.

Why? What was the reason an enemy who could easily _destroy_ her kingdom not do so?

After she had lied, stolen, and even had her _trapped_ long ago?

Suddenly, the princess felt an awful squeezing feeling in her gut.

If she was such a "good" person… Why had she done such things?

All of these people on her monitors were oblivious, happy, and simply _living._ When had it become this way?

When did she start losing _her _feeling for life? Where was her old taste for fun?

What was she even _doing?_

Flashes passed through her mind.

Bringing back the dead…

Treating someone who _loved_ _her _as nothing more than an experiment...

Putting her business where it didn't belong…

Nearly _killing_ an entire kingdom...

Where had she lost herself?

She used to laugh so much when she was with her friends.

But when was the last time that she had set aside time to just visit, and enjoy herself? To spend time with those who cared about her?

People _she_ was supposed to care about, for crying out loud!

So many experiments passed through the princess' mind.

So many of them suddenly felt wrong.

The time when Finn had come to take her crow's gem, for what he thought was a justifiable reason, she had been simply _fiddling_ with the life of two, perfectly happy people she had created.

Maybe that was where things started taking a turn.

When she had decided that she was lonely, and wanted to make life from other creature's made up of the sweetness she was.

Although all she tasted at the time was bitterness, standing in front of the screens.

It started with Lemongrab; a folly. A _mistake._

She had sincerely debated putting him out of his misery at the beginning. Yet… Something held her back, and she simply continued trying to figure out what she could do to create more beings.

Then, she began a kingdom, which expanded.

And expanded.

Then she began to worry.

Being a princess back in the day, often meant being kidnapped by the Ice King.

So what of her subjects if he ever succeeded? Would anything befall them?

In response, she started to watch and monitor things that could pose as threats.

But then, Princess Bubblegum decided to start watching her closest friends and allies.

That was when she started to find herself trapped inside her lab, only leaving if something called for it.

The dreadful knot in her stomach tightened.

There. _That_ was where it really began.

She became absorbed, and eventually _obsessed_ with science, and all of its principles.

People around her were no longer living beings. They were these messes. Even _herself_ she viewed as something a random force threw together.

The miracle she once saw as life was gone. Once she figured out how to create it, it was no longer a mysterious and powerful force.

It was just another _thing._

Except… For when she had become a teenager once more.

Those times brought back memories, of when she could have a good time.

Be goofy and silly with her smarts.

Really _fall_ _in love._

A deep sadness had covered her heart for a few days, when she had to revert to an adult.

But eventually, the feeling passed and she moved back to her daily routine.

Back to her obsession.

Science. Maybe _that_ was where she had begun to lose herself.

Consuming her every day.

Making her frown down at anything which believed in magic.

Driving her to do things she _knew_ was wrong, deep down in the heart she was sure that she had.

A careful hand went to her chest suddenly, as if to test to see if it was still there.

_Bu-dump. Bu-dump._

A steady beat was playing, and for whatever reason, the princess gave a sigh of relief.

Maybe… It was time to stop living with her head always stuffed with numbers.

It was time to stop all of this nonsense, pure _nonsense._

It was her fault the Flame Princess didn't trust her.

What, with her lying, destroying personal heirlooms, and heck, not even caring for anyone outside of her kingdom.

The princess reached for the cables in which she knew led to the monitors- the so _many monitors_- that showed the happenings of the Fire Kingdom.

Her hand wavered above the thick black cords.

'_It's dangerous to the kingdom!'_

A small voice was shouting this repeatedly in her head.

So she gazed about the moving pictures and her eyes landed upon one with Flame Princess herself on it.

Her brother was insisting that blowing up the Candy Kingdom would have been cool. That it would have gotten rid of a danger.

"_And he's right, too."_ Princess Bubblegum though, the rationalizing already playing through her mind.

Yet somehow, after the events of that day, all that the ruler of the Flame Kingdom did was place a comforting hand upon her sibling's shoulder, an amused smile on her face.

The voice still wouldn't stop screaming, but in that second of seeing a "danger" downright deny attack on an opposing kingdom…

Yet her heart said something else. Something she didn't understand, yet could interpret _perfectly_.

Bubblegum ripped the cords.

Instantly, the screens went black. The one's which showed the Flame Kingdom's most lively areas.

The princess' gaze moved to another one of the monitors, which showed Finn and Jake, singing happily about the circle of life.

Joyfully, even.

Her hand whipped out, taking those cords and ripping them away as well.

And then she took away the rest, in bunches or single lines of wires.

When she was finished, all of the screens were black, and lifeless.

Yet somehow, Bubblegum felt more alive than ever, like some sort of cloak had moved away from her eyes, and a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

She walked out of the room, found a lock and a sign, and set them up on the door.

And as she walked down her brightly colored and lit halls, she was smiling.

And it wasn't a fake smile either.

It was one she felt.

Maybe it would take her a good long while to get her life back on track, and make up for the wrongs she had made, but at least this was a start.

At least, she had _found _herself again.

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><p><strong>So here it is, my general thoughts about the latest episode of Adventure Time! :D<strong>

**I know it isn't very long, and perhaps a bit over dramatic, but it's kind of supposed to be dramatic, since it is an emotional thing.**

**Yeah, when I was watching 'The Cooler,' I was sure it was going to be another episode with Finn and Flame Princess again. But then I was surprised, when it was Princess Bubblegum showing up rather than everyone's favorite human of the show. (Cause he's like, the only one. :P)**

**I decided it was reasonable, and that it made sense for her to be an "unlikely ally."**

**I mean, just take a look at all of the crazy stuff she's been doing for a good long time in the show, and boy, does that princess have a bit of a mess to take care of. (Heck, I once saw an overly ridiculous wr in the comment section of YouTube once, to do with whether or not she was evil. To go over it though, is something I DON'T want to do.)**

**Well, I'm not really sure if Princess Bubblegum really **_**will**_ **stop acting so odd, but it inspired me to write this anyway. It's been like she lost her feel for those around her for a really long time, and this feels like a strong slap of reality to her. (That's what I interpreted. :)**

**The way she was smiling about "Oh, I spy on EVERYBODY" made me feel awkward about PB.**

**She's a neat character, but I've already been having a hard time figuring her out. (I recall more than one conversation about her being too absorbed in science.)**

**And then we see her falter when Flame is calling her cold, as a person in general.**

**And afterwards, when she was pulling out the cords to her spy-screens, it made me feel like she's hit a major development curve.**

**Or I at least hope she has. If she still treats everyone around her like scientific messes, I'll be a bit disappointed.**

**Anyway, the episode was really cool (pun unintended), and it was all the neater that it aired on my birthday (along with a Steven Universe that once again, made me tear up. Gosh darn you Steven Universe! Why you so good at making me cry!?)**

**I don't really have anything else to say, so…**

**See y'all later!**

**(Please remember to review! I'd like to hear your thoughts on this little piece, or maybe even your thoughts on the episode. But maybe it'd be better for people to PM me about that. So feel free within reason! :D)**


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